My First Black Friday: Oh The Humanity!!

WAAAAUGH!! All I wanted were some Barbie Princess dolls!!!

Okay...that's not entirely true. Backing up a bit...

We are getting a trampoline for our backyard this Christmas (shhh...don't tell the kids), and several months ago, we reasoned that the best trampoline deals would be found on the day after Thanksgiving, aka The Infamous Black Friday. We also thought that in the future, we would do well to shop for all our major electronic purchases (HDTV, Blu-ray, game consoles, etc.) on Black Friday, since that was the most reasonable option on our budget. So hey...why not test the waters this year and see how the whole thing worked?

Of course, this reasonableness on our part was entirely academic and in no way based on actual experience. Because, now that I've had my first taste of the cyclonic fury of Black Friday, I have learned two things:

1. I am really, really bad at shopping Black Friday-style; and
2. I cannot see myself shopping on Black Friday again for a long, long time!

My first mistake (besides deciding to go to Wal-Mart at 10 pm on Thanksgiving in the first place) was to go to Black Friday as a "tourist." I thought, "Well, I'll buy the trampoline online. So tonight, I'll just go see if I can find those $5 Disney princess dolls I saw advertised. And hey...maybe I'll get an interesting glimpse of Black Friday social behavior while I'm at it!" I went with my friend Amber (who was a Black Friday virgin as well), and both of us had the same goals in mind.

So...we definitely got a glimpse of Black Friday behavior (even if we never found those $5 Disney princess dolls--sob! More on that in a minute). To be fair, all the shoppers I saw (and believe me, I saw a lot of them!) were quite well-mannered & good-natured. I didn't see any of the fabled stampedes for new products, no fights broke out, and any bumps or elbows to the face I received were completely accidental and the perpetrators were quick to apologize. Considering what a seething, boiling cauldron of humanity occupied that Wal-Mart last night (it was a fire hazard waiting to happen; so of course several fire trucks were parked outside and policeman were crawling everywhere inside), everyone was polite enough.

But! I am pretty sure that Amber & I were some of the few "tourist" shoppers at the store. Because, for all their civility, these people were dead serious about shopping/door-busting/deal-making/what have you. Black Friday shopping was clearly a sport for these people, and they are just as passionate about it as others are passionate about their favorite football team, golf game, or (a better analogy) their hunting season. I saw people grab literally handfuls of Wii games and stagger towards the register, teetering under the weight. I saw one little toddler asleep in a shopping cart, buried underneath a precariously stacked pile of toy boxes. I saw tiny infants being held by their bemused fathers while mothers desperately rifled through piles of $3.88 pajama sets (hey, nice deal!). I heard a babble of several languages swirl around me as people kept in touch via cell phone. And of course, there were lines upon lines upon lines snaking through the store, waiting for who knew what, while several departments were taped off altogether.

I knew almost at once I was no match for this craziness. At first, we had trouble even finding a parking spot; we ended up parking about a quarter-mile away and walking to the Wal-Mart in a nice late-night drizzle (this proved beneficial afterwards, when we needed some "airing out" after inhaling the store's stagnant, sweaty atmosphere for over an hour). We ran into another problem right away: there were no shopping carts left (of course), so we had to carry everything we wanted to buy in our bare hands. This becomes surprisingly difficult after grabbing just a few toy boxes.

Amber and I often found ourselves swept up in the ebb and flow, and it took all our skill to swim through the masses of shoppers (Amber, being more petite & graceful than I, was able to do some pretty nice jukes & jives that any running back in football would envy). And worst of all, nothing was where I was used to it. This Wal-Mart is not my favorite place to shop even on a normal day, but at least I knew the layout of the place--or so I thought. Instead, I found myself fighting inch by inch upstream to find toys in the fabric section (or was it the seasonal section??), most of which were completely picked over. When I thought to go the actual toy section of the store (because "Hey, that's where the Disney Princess dolls should be, right??"), I found not a single doll on sale for the advertised price. Apparently the princess dolls were somewhere else in the cavernous store, and since it had taken me 25 minutes just to get to the toy section, I felt my hopes fade away. I instead picked out a couple of the regular-priced dolls (I had to come out of this ordeal with something, I thought), feeling that I had failed at Black Friday.

Having Amber come along was a huge benefit for many reasons. First, she is really funny and fun to be around, and it was fun to laugh at the craziness with her as a fellow "first-timer." Second, she was a much-needed extra pair of arms, as she graciously helped me carry several toy boxes (all she ended up getting was a pajama set for her son!). And last but not least, her keen eyes managed to spot a $5 Barbie Princess doll lying abandoned on a clothing pile! Hey, it wasn't a Disney Princess, but it was something! We snatched it up eagerly, and suddenly I felt a little better...but only for a moment, because then we realized the checkout line extended 2/3 of the way back into the store. Ugh. My feet were pretty sore by the time we reached the barricades in front of the registers 40 minutes later. It felt like I was doing my shopping in a battle zone!

For an hour and a half last night, I felt like a trapped observer of American consumerism in its most virulent, concentrated form. If I hadn't been claustrophobic before this trip, I'd have been flirting with the notion by the end. When all was said and done, though, I have to admit I was pleased with my purchases. I got a Princess doll for each girl, a T-shirt for Nathan, and a couple of other small toys for Celeste's & Aurora's birthdays (one advantage of having my daughter's birthdays in December & January...good toy sales!). So it wasn't a total loss of my time--I got to just about finish my family's Christmas shopping, plus have fun hanging out with my friend while doing all this.

As for that phantom trampoline purchase, however, it was not to be last night (I barely got a look at the roped-off sporting section anyway). I was so pooped by the time I got home, I didn't think to go look at the online "door-buster" for one of Wal-Mart's trampolines. When I saw it this morning, the $168, 14-foot trampoline & enclosure I'd had my eye on was "sold out online"--of course. I cursed myself for my sloppiness & resolved to pay a little more for a trampoline this year.

But hey--Cyber Monday is just around the corner, so I still have a chance! And I have faith I'll find some kind of trampoline deal then (because faith is all I have right now). And the more I think about it, the better Cyber Monday sounds for future holiday shopping seasons. So, lady warriors of Black Friday--could you please explain to me why you love doing it so? I am not trying to be critical, I'm just honestly baffled how staying up all night (sometimes in terrible weather) and battling insane crowds in claustrophobic conditions could be preferable to a few clicks of your mouse, at home, in front of your computer, preferably with a cup of hot chocolate in hand. At least, that sounds preferable to me. Any thoughts?