Saying Good-Bye To Grandma Eckhardt

Before last month, we hadn't traveled out of state since our family's Disneyland trip last March. I was getting a little stir-crazy; I needed a break from Arizona! When my parents came to visit us in early January, they'd generously promised to fly the girls and myself up to Colorado for part of Spring Break. While I dreaded the thought of being on a plane alone with the girls, I was also really excited to be heading to Colorado (after almost three years away!), so I was getting excited about the upcoming vacation.

And then, in early February, we heard my Grandma Eckhardt's life was drawing to a close, and we needed to adjust those plans.

Wanda Eckhardt (my mother's mother) has been slowly declining in health for several years now, but that was almost to be expected. She was in her late nineties, a widow for nearly nine years, and had been living in an assisted-care facility for some time. I had only seen Grandma a few times over the last several years, due to my not traveling to Utah as often as I had in the past. Luckily, my Aunt Vicki (my mom's sister), her husband Bud, and all their children still lived & worked in the Salt Lake City area, so I reasoned that she would be well looked-after, and that she didn't "need me" so much.

A few days before Valentine's Day, I started getting e-mails from my mom, informing me that Grandma's condition had taken a turn for the worse, and that she'd been moved into hospice care. Upon hearing that news, we all realized her time was growing short. I experienced a tangle of emotions, among them regret that I hadn't been able to talk to Grandma one last time. I wish I'd called her at Christmastime! I wish I'd been a more consistent letter-writer! I wish I'd had a closer relationship with Grandma, like my Utah cousins. I suppose these things were not to be.

Wanda Eckhardt passed away peacefully in her sleep early in the morning on Friday, February 13th, 2015. She was my last surviving grandparent; the other three all passed away within six months of each other in 2006. Due to several circumstances, I was not able to attend either of my grandfather's funerals, something I deeply regretted. When my Grandma Nash passed away in October 2006, I was able to fly up to Utah for the funeral and pay my respects to both my Nash grandparents. At that time, I vowed I would also attend my Grandma Eckhardt's funeral when that time came. Little did I know that it would be so many years before her funeral was to take place! Grandma Eckhardt was definitely a tough, tenacious survivor; she passed away just three weeks shy of her 98th birthday!

Ironically, Grandma Eckhardt was the grandparent with whom I had the most turbulent relationship. She was a very strong-willed, stubborn, and opinionated person (I could use the word "domineering," but that may be overstating the matter). As a fellow strong-willed, opinionated person, it was only natural that we would clash frequently. I'm more than a little ashamed to admit that many of my most vivid memories of Grandma Eckhardt involve us arguing or facing off over some (probably inconsequential) issue. For example, when I chose to attend BYU over her beloved University of Utah, it took some time before she was reconciled to my "betrayal."

Grandma and Grandpa Eckhardt were my first extended family members to meet Nathan, back when we were just college buddies. He came up to Salt Lake city with me for General Conference weekend our freshman year of college, and we stayed at the Eckhardt's home. Nathan made an ill-timed joke that Grandma took personally, and she warned me against ever dating him! Sadly (for her), I was unable to take her advice. However, over the years she warmed up to Nathan and came to respect him. Seeing the gorgeous girls we had together helped soften the blow as well, I've no doubt.

But in spite of her prickliness, Grandma gave me many positive memories as well. She was such a determined, devoted, nurturing character; she always did her very best to make us feel comfortable and welcome in her lovely home. She always carried herself with dignity, despite having a wickedly sarcastic sense of humor she deployed on many occasions (hey, I have a sarcastic sense of humor too...I guess I am a lot more like Grandma that I was willing to admit!).

I have many fond memories of eating fresh raspberries from their garden (Grandpa was very proud of his thriving raspberry bushes), swinging on their tire swing, playing one of their many board games, or tucking into a tasty meal. Grandma was a wonderful cook, and I loved having Thanksgiving with her (which we only did on a few memorable occasions). I also vividly remember cuddling up in their basement in front of their ancient giant television at all hours of the night. I watched a lot of classic films on that TV for the first time (several John Wayne features and DeMille's The Ten Commandments come to mind). I also became a fan of the TV shows Red Dwarf and Dr. Who, thanks to several late-night viewing binges on that television during my college years!

When I first moved to Utah for college, I felt very isolated, overwhelmed, and alone. Grandma and Grandpa drove down to Provo many times (at least once a month) to check on me, take me out to dinner, see how I was doing, or bring me back to their house to do laundry, relax, and decompress from my hectic college schedule. I also had Thanksgiving with them that year, and it was a wonderful occasion. On one of these trips, Grandma took me to lunch at The Purple Turtle, an ancient burger-and-shake shop in Pleasant Grove that is now one of my favorite Utah dining destinations.

At the time, I was grateful for their attentions, but I still worry I did not properly thank them for their concern for me. My freshman year of college was a turbulent one, and their loving care was exactly what I needed to pull through everything emotionally. I felt a connection to them that year deeper than I had ever felt with them before, and I am grateful to my Father in heaven that He let me be a part of their family.

 

A few years later, when I was endowed in the temple and preparing to depart on my LDS mission, Grandma Eckhardt attended several endowment sessions with me, in a variety of temples in the Salt Lake City area. She had a story and history for each temple, and was so happy to share that experience with me. It was a side of Grandma I hadn't seen before, and I am so grateful that she was so eager to attend the temple with me as much as possible before I went "into the desert" (aka, a mission area with no temple).

All in all, I am lucky to have known Grandma, through the good times and bad. She lived a long, full, meaningful life and left it peacefully. I hope, if heaven gets good Wi-Fi, that Grandma will be able to read my meager eulogy here and realize that I love her and wish her well, and that I look forward to seeing her again someday. It is somewhat strange to me to have no grandparents left now; it makes me feel almost "unprotected" in a way, since there are fewer generations now separating me from death. It's a feeling that was already inflamed by my father-in-law's passing last October. Now, someone I've known even longer than my father-in-law is gone, and I must once again ponder how fleeting mortal life is.

Anyway, Grandma's funeral service was scheduled for Monday, February 16th. I really wanted to go, but Nathan had a busy week of work ahead and couldn't get the time off. I didn't see how I could make the trip while finding someone to take care of all the kids. After some thought, I decided to talk to my parents and convert our family's Spring Break trip into this earlier trip to Utah. After all, we have lots of family and friends in Utah as well, so it would be a good opportunity to see some people we wouldn't otherwise get to see for some time. So, after a frantic couple of days of buying airline tickets, renting a car, and getting packed, while simultaneously taking care of all our everyday duties, we were all set for our journey.

My personal travel plans were complicated quite a bit by my sprained ankle; I was not looking forward to hobbling around three different airports with the kids in tow! Luckily, the Tucson airport is small and easy to navigate; once we said our goodbyes to Nathan at the curb, it wasn't a long walk at all to get to our gate. I'm so grateful my girls are getting a little older and are becoming (a little) more responsible! Having them listen to me and (mostly) follow my orders made the whole process go more smoothly.

For all three girls, our flight was a big adventure! Lorelai hadn't been on a plane since before she was two years old, so she remembered nothing about flying. Celeste and Aurora had never been on a plane at all! I am actually terrified of planes and flying; although intellectually I know I have almost nothing to fear, I still find myself overcome by panic almost every time I'm in the air. Unfortunately, Lorelai is good at reading my cues, and my nervousness started making her nervous! However, once our plane lifted off, her fears quickly melted away, to be replaced by excitement! I am so happy that the girls were able to enjoy the flight without me ruining it for them. Of course, Aurora got a little bored towards the last hour or so of air travel; she probably resented being cooped up for so long. Otherwise, things all went pretty well.

It was beyond wonderful to be with my whole family again!

When my family heard about my sprained ankle, they sprang into action. My parents and brother-in-law Paul Carlin met us at the airport, helping me with the kids and all our luggage. While Paul and my mother drove the kids back to the Carlin's house in Saratoga Springs, my dad stayed behind to rent the car and help me drive back on my own. It was nice to get some help! We arrived in town the night of Sunday, February 15th, and for most of that evening, I was able to rest and catch up with the rest of the family. It was the first time my whole immediate family had been in the same place, and it was wonderful! We played a game, visited with one another, and reminisced about Grandma.

The following day, I was able to rise late and get ready at my own pace; Grandma's funeral service wasn't until the afternoon. It was a lovely cool day in Utah; it was unseasonably warm for that time of year, but my poor Arizona girls still complained about "how cold" it was. And then, when it came time to visit the cemetary itself, the girls all forgot to bring their jackets! I don't think my family has any clue how to deal with inclement weather.

At least the girls have a nice Grandma who lends out blankets!

Overall, the service was lovely and tasteful; I felt a spirit of peace and camaraderie with all those in attendance. I was able to see many cousins whom I rarely get to see; it was nice to get "caught up" with that side of the family! My girls were made a little nervous by the whole thing; since Grandpa Barrett had been cremated, they had never attended a funeral service with a casket before! Seeing "Great-Grandma" like that frightened them a little, but they mostly tolerated it.

Because of my bum ankle, I wasn't able to be a pall-bearer (due to the overabundance of grand-daughters, male pallbearers were in somewhat short supply). In fact, walking around in the cemetery was a little nerve-wracking; I was constantly worried that I'd tumble or slip on the lumpy ground. Luckily, everything turned out okay, and the dedication of the grave was a solemn and beautiful experience.

I really loved the burial plot for Grandma and Grandpa. It's in a lovely part of town, and I feel that a special spirit presides there.

 

 

Hopefully, I will be able to make a return visit at some point in the future, and pay my respects. But I was especially glad that I was able to say farewell to Grandma here, in her final resting place.

After the funeral was completed, we had a small luncheon prepared by the ward members. It gave me one last chance to visit with our cousins. The girls had been very good sports all day, but they were running out of patience as the luncheon wore on. The children were all running helter-skelter throughout the church building, playing hide-and-seek and make believe. It was getting a little noisy. When we finally returned to the Carlin's house, they gratefully changed out of their "church clothes" and proceeded to go nuts with their cousins:

I'm sure the girls were overjoyed that the "too-serious" funeral part of the trip was over; for them, the real vacation was beginning (they even got to miss most of a whole school week!). However, I was so glad for the opportunity to see my Grandma one last time, and see some extended family I don't often see. I'm grateful for the knowledge I have of eternal families, and that knowledge made this funeral a hopeful occasion for me, not a sad one. I belived she is happily reunited now with Grandpa and her large family. Fare thee well, Grandma...God be with you till we meet again.